Perfection

I recently talked to an elderly man who had been blind for the last 60 years. He is still married to the same woman whom he wed a few years before he was struck blind in the war. Very seldom do I ever get a chance to talk to a blind person, so I took advantage of the time I had with him. I also knew that if I offended him and he wanted to beat me up, I had a slight advantage.

One of the questions I asked this man was about his dreams. I was curious about if he saw anything when he dreamed. He said he did and that his dreams were in vivid color and everything he sees is in perfection. If he dreams or even thinks about a pine tree, what he sees is a perfect pine tree. Not one with dead branches or any defects.

This man then went to say when he talks to people he has a mental picture in his head of what they look like. Also, when he talks to his wife or thinks about his wife he sees her as the lovely young bride of so many years ago. He said that he knows she has gray hair and wrinkles, but in his mind he can't picture that. He only pictures her in absolute perfection.

What would it take for us to see people in perfection? To see people for their full potential. Loving those around us for all the right reasons, rather than looking for fault in them.

Growth

I'm sure you have heard people say that "if you take care of me, then I'll take care of you." You can probably think about people that have that as an actual personal philosophy. Well here is a small twist on that thinking:

"I'll take care of me for you ... will you take care of you for me?"

Think about your relationships and how adopting this philosophy helps you and those closest to you. I knew a guy that was too stubborn to see the doctor when he was sick. His family begged him to go, but for some reason he refused. Yeah, he's dead now. Leaving the family with bills and regrets. How sad!

We should always want to grow and improve not only for ourselves but for those around us. If we aren't adding new knowledge, health practices and experiences in our lives then we aren't taking care of those that mean the most to us.

Likeability

Here are six ways that Dale Carnegie mentions on how to make people like you, in his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Extra

You know what I love about filling up my vehicle at the gas station? No, it's not the fact that I'm funding some oil executive's retirement by paying 4 freakin' dollars every gallon. What I like about filling up is when I am finished pumping, I leave the nozzle in the gas tank. Then by tilting the hose just right another ounce or two of gas trickles into my gas tank. Free gas baby!

This little extra gas that I don't have to pay for makes the whole experience of getting raped at the pump almost tolerable. I can put $75 worth of gas into my tank but for some reason getting just a little free gas at the end takes the sting away.

In our relationships we have this ability. No, not give our friends more gas than what they are expecting. That's gross. What I'm talking about is giving just a little extra something in the relationship. A little extra care, a little note card in the mail, a short voicemail telling them that you've been thinking about them, a quick prayer for a friend, etc. The little extra effort that goes a long ways in making a good relationship - great.

Significance

What do you know about your great grandparents? I would think that if you asked 10 people this question, then 9 would say they don't know anything about their great grandparents. They wouldn't know what their great grandparents interests were. What their hopes and dreams were. Or anything about what really made them tick ... what made them unique.

I think it's natural for us to have a natural yearning to "leave our mark" on this planet. I believe that the best way we can do this is by influencing other people. More specifically, helping those around us to get the most out of life. If we are doing that then we in turn will be getting the most out of life.

Here's where it gets tricky for me. What type of imprint am I making on the planet that will be seen or felt by my great grandchildren. What will my daughters children's children know about me ... or will they know anything about me? If history is a good predictor of the future, then I already know the answer to my own question; they won't know much of anything.

I've been giving this question some thought the last couple weeks and here is my conclusion:

* I can instill values, integrity and the thirst for knowledge in my children which will pay dividends for generations to come. The bible says that the sins of the father get passed down for several generations I believe the reverse can be true as well. I am a benefit of the heritage my ancestors created for me, whether I recognize that or not.

* The effect I have on others can not only improve their lives now, but into eternity. I think we will all be surprised when we get to heaven and learn of the impact we all had on each other without even realizing it. That's motivation to make every day have purpose. You never know who's life you can positively effect each and every day.

Talking

Small people talk about people.

Medium people talk about things.

Big people talk about dreams.

***

What do you talk about most?

Correction

Here are seven steps to correcting ones behavior that I just read in the book, Maximum Achievement by Brian Tracy. These steps can be used with your children, friends, or people at work.

Step 1: Protect the individuals self-esteem at all costs. Treat it like a balloon with your words as potential needles.

Step 2: Focus on the future, not the past. Talk about "What do we do from here?"

Step 3: Focus on the behavior or the performance, not the person. Replace the word "you" with a description of the problem.

Step 4: Use "I" messages to retain ownership of your feelings.

Step 5: Get clear agreement on what is to change, and when and by how much. Be specific as well as future-oriented and solution-oriented.

Step 6: Offer to help. Ask them "What can I do to help you in this situation?".

Step 7: Assume that the other person wants to do a good job and that, if he or she has done a poor job or made a mistake, it was not deliberate.

Nature

I was talking with my mom the other day about some wood rot we had noticed on our house. If you live in Johnson County, you know that wood rot is about as common as breast implants and mini-vans. My mom made a statement that stuck with me. She said that nature is always trying to reclaim the land.

Just moving into a brand new house, with brand new grass, brand new windows and brand new bills . . . it is easy to fool myself into thinking that I don't have to do anything to keep everything looking nice and new. But nature is there, and slowly but surely picking away at my precious house and land. My house will need constant maintenance as long as I remain here. Some mowing, painting, cleaning, replacing, and protecting.

More important than houses, our minds need constant maintenance as well. Nature and those elements around us all want a piece of our minds. And if we trick ourselves into thinking that's not a big deal, then where will we be? Broke? Probably. Depressed? Maybe. Sorry? I believe so.

My challenge then is to stay sharp! Do the required maintenance! Read the book, see the movie, spend the time with family, give the hugs, tell someone how you feel, make time for friends, take the pictures, give to your church ... Do the things that are easy to put off. Do the maintenance necessary to ward off nature so that you can experience a fulfilled life.

Happiness

I just started to read the book Maximum Achievement by Brian Tracy and even though I am only 30 pages into it, there are some really good nuggets that I would like to pass along.

"First, I learned that if I didn't commit to achieving my own happiness, no one else would. If my aim in life was only to make others happy, I would always be at the mercy of the feelings of others, whoever they might be. And I found that trying to organize my life around making others happy was an unending exercise in frustration and disappointment, because it just wasn't possible.

Second, I discovered that I couldn't give away what I didn't have. I couldn't make someone else happy by being miserable myself. As Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't help the poor by becoming one of them." I found that I couldn't make others happy unless I could make myself happy first."

Actions

The other day I was on a plane and I saw a lady spill a drink all over the groin of another passenger. About 30 minutes after we reached our cruising altitude when the pilot told us we could tilt our seats back to enjoy the ride....and about 5 minutes after our complimentary beverages were served, I witnessed the lady quickly tilt her chair back. The man sitting behind her had his drink resting on the tray table. The sudden jerk of the lady's seat caused this guy's drink to spill all over his lap.

The man was irritated with what happened and quickly began scrounging for napkins to absorb the liquid. I handed him the napkins, because I'm a nice guy. I didn't help him clean up however, I'm not that nice of a guy.

What was interesting about this little incident is that the woman that caused the wet groin had no idea what she had done. She just rested her tired little head and tired little eyes and was able to nap the rest of the flight. She had no worries in the world. Totally unaware of they mayhem she had caused. In fact, she will go her whole life not knowing what happened on that plane ride.

This made me realize that our actions do have an affect to those around us. What we say, how we act, what we do . . . it all matters to those we come into contact with. It even matters to those we may never meet again. The challenge for me is to positively affect those around me. Make it such a part of my personality that I don't even have to think about it.

Listen

"Why do so many close-minded people open their mouths so much?"

I saw this question on a bumper sticker the other day and it really reminded me of the importance to listening more than I talk. Along with listening it is important to realize there are just of a handful of real truths in the world. Truths that God put in place. Sowing and reaping for example is one of those truths.


There are so many other things that we tend to think are true or right that we get so closed off to anyone else's opinion on the matter. The last couple years I have opened myself up to so many things that I previously would have disregarded as "wrong" or "un-true". I have essentially opened up my mind. Now don't get worried. I'm not experimenting with drugs or joining a cult. Nothing like that. I've just simply opened myself up to many different thinking and ideas, which then leads to other ideas and other thoughts. Then I can make my own decisions based on so much more information.

Learning in life is a process not a destination. It's a journey that too many people stop doing. I encourage you to open up your mind and talk less . . . you might learn something. ;)

Feedback

Earlier this year I started working for a new company that has a totally different culture than what I was used to. It has been a fantastic change for me, but not without it's challenges. One such challenge has been to give and receive feedback freely. Not only with my subordinates, but giving feedback to my peers and my boss. I'm not sure which has been more of a challenge for me, giving the feedback or actually receiving the feedback.

Here's some tips to giving feedback:

1. First things first, you need to have credibility with the person you are speaking with.
2. Tell the individual you are going to give them some feedback.
3. Tell them the behavior they displayed and the impact that it had.
4. Offer a suggestion for doing things a different way.
5. Thank them for being open to your feedback.

Here's some tips on receiving feedback:

1. If someone asks you if they can give you some feedback, respond with an energetic, "Yes!".
2. While receiving the feedback raise your eyebrows and smile.
3. Ask any clarifying questions, then repeat what you have heard.
4. Thank them for helping you.
5. Take a day to reflect on the feedback and decide if you need to change. Bounce this feedback off of a trusted co-worker/friend to see if it has merit.
6. If change is needed, then change!

By no means am I able to do this stuff 100%, but I really see the benefit of improving those around you and being open to how I can improve.

Significance

I was talking with a guy the other day who told me that he was forced to evaluate his entire life by just seeing a skull on a t.v. program. As soon as he told me this, I knew exactly where he was going. Seeing a skull from some anonymous person that died a long time ago is one thing. But then to think that our bodies will one day be insignificant bones ... that is another thing.

That skull represented a person. Someone who had a brain, a family, hopes, and dreams. That skull was once attached to a person just like him. Did the owner of that skull get the most out of life? Did the owner achieve everything that he set out to do and more? Did the owner make any sort of difference in the world?

This is a reminder that our lives are just a short blip in time. 80 years or so (if we are lucky) out of over 6,000 years of recorded history. We have just a small amount of time to make our mark. Make our lives count for something ...

Apology

Yesterday I was enjoying the day with a 2 1/2 hour bike ride. There are some great paved trails nearby that are really fun to ride. The trail follows a creek and even though you know that a highway may just be a few yards away through the trees, it still feels like a little get-a-way. In order to dodge streets, subdivisions, and businesses - the trail has many twists and turns. Some turns can be very sharp.

Last year I really got into riding my bike so I have most of the equipment that you would expect from a 'serious' rider.

Trek road bike (the kind with skinny tires) - check
Water bottle - check
Camelbak (a backpack that holds 72 ounces of water) - check
GPS watch - check
Clip in shoes (like ski boots clip into skis) - check
iPod - check
armband for iPod - check
helmet - check
dri-fit athletic clothes to wisp away perspiration - check

Can you picture this?

My gear and I were about 20 minutes from home and according to my fancy GPS watch I was moving along at a little over 16 miles an hour. As I was leaning into one of the thousand turns another biker was headed straight for me. He swerved one way skidding . . . I swerved another way skidding . . . and before I could do anything else I felt my helmet speeding towards the other bikers face. Smack! The next smack was my elbow and head (still in the helmet thank goodness!) hitting the concrete.

I don't know how long we both laid there on opposite sides of the trail stunned, but it seemed like a good 20 seconds. I felt like Rocky Balboa in Rocky I when he and Apollo Creed were both knocked out trying to pull themselves up using the ropes. To a spectator I looked like a skinny, mental defective that didn't know how to ride a bike. How many people do you know that have had a head on collision riding a bike?? I venture to guess, NONE!

After doing inventory on my bruised body and asking the other biker about what type of injury(s) he sustained, he asked me why I was riding so fast on his side of the trail. This comment rubbed me the wrong way, but attempting to keep my cool I informed him that I was on "my side" of the trail and that we hit each other in the middle of the trail. If he hadn't had swerved to "my side" we wouldn't have collided.

And wouldn't you know it, his wife or girlfriend was riding with him and she backed up his story. After reiterating my point, she made the comment, "Look, no one is blaming you for anything, just say your sorry!"

I couldn't believe what I just heard! You couldn't have gotten me to say I was sorry for $10,000! I'm sorry my helmet didn't break his nose!

Now, a day later, my adrenaline is back to normal levels, my body is bruised and sore, and I can reflect a little more on that situation. What really fascinates me about that girls comment was that she was less concerned about who's fault it was and more concerned with an apology. All she wanted to hear was "I'm sorry".

Somehow saying "I'm sorry" was going to make the situation better. I was too much of an idiot yesterday to say those words. My pride got in the way of humbling myself to apologize even though I thought I was in the right. Did it really matter if I was right or not? Would I really be able to convince the other biker who's face I just smashed that he was wrong? No of course not.

Saying "I'm sorry" is a very tough statement for people to make. It's got to be something that we get more comfortable with saying. These two words can be a fantastic fix to a problem and really help save a relationship. It doesn't matter who is right. That's irrelevant most of the time. Humble yourself, say a genuine "I'm sorry", and move on!

Complaining

We've all had them. Your conversation begins with an innocent, "How's it going." . . . but ends up with you being forced to listen to how much someone hates their job. Or maybe you get an earful on how someone's kid is acting up in school. And the worst (in my humble opinion) is listening to someone go on and on about a unexplained rash, chigger bite, boil, infected toenail, or ingrown hair.

I don't think I've ever looked forward to hearing about someone else's problems. And the really frustrating thing for me is that I find myself complaining to other people! Oh, I don't do it all the time, at least I don't think I do . . . but every now and again I notice myself taking the conversations towards the complaint department, making them listen to my own personal woes.

I heard one time that when you complain, "80% of people don't care and the other 20% are glad you are having problems!"

I'm working on always trying to be positive. Especially in my conversations with people. If I at least act positive then the hope is that I become more positive. Wouldn't we all rather leave a conversation with someone who was positive? Instead of leaving it knowing about all that person's problems. Yuck! Let's quit our complaining and focus on being positive! What do you say!?