Perfection

I recently talked to an elderly man who had been blind for the last 60 years. He is still married to the same woman whom he wed a few years before he was struck blind in the war. Very seldom do I ever get a chance to talk to a blind person, so I took advantage of the time I had with him. I also knew that if I offended him and he wanted to beat me up, I had a slight advantage.

One of the questions I asked this man was about his dreams. I was curious about if he saw anything when he dreamed. He said he did and that his dreams were in vivid color and everything he sees is in perfection. If he dreams or even thinks about a pine tree, what he sees is a perfect pine tree. Not one with dead branches or any defects.

This man then went to say when he talks to people he has a mental picture in his head of what they look like. Also, when he talks to his wife or thinks about his wife he sees her as the lovely young bride of so many years ago. He said that he knows she has gray hair and wrinkles, but in his mind he can't picture that. He only pictures her in absolute perfection.

What would it take for us to see people in perfection? To see people for their full potential. Loving those around us for all the right reasons, rather than looking for fault in them.

Day

We all cross paths with a lot of people throughout the day. People in traffic, at work, restaurants, movie theaters, etc. Most people are just trying to make it through the day so they can get home to their families. Is that what we were meant to do?

I think a better approach is instead of getting through the day, find out how you can get from the day. Each day has unlimited potential. We can look to the past or look to the future, but the present is exactly that...a present.

Growth

I'm sure you have heard people say that "if you take care of me, then I'll take care of you." You can probably think about people that have that as an actual personal philosophy. Well here is a small twist on that thinking:

"I'll take care of me for you ... will you take care of you for me?"

Think about your relationships and how adopting this philosophy helps you and those closest to you. I knew a guy that was too stubborn to see the doctor when he was sick. His family begged him to go, but for some reason he refused. Yeah, he's dead now. Leaving the family with bills and regrets. How sad!

We should always want to grow and improve not only for ourselves but for those around us. If we aren't adding new knowledge, health practices and experiences in our lives then we aren't taking care of those that mean the most to us.

Likeability

Here are six ways that Dale Carnegie mentions on how to make people like you, in his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Extra

You know what I love about filling up my vehicle at the gas station? No, it's not the fact that I'm funding some oil executive's retirement by paying 4 freakin' dollars every gallon. What I like about filling up is when I am finished pumping, I leave the nozzle in the gas tank. Then by tilting the hose just right another ounce or two of gas trickles into my gas tank. Free gas baby!

This little extra gas that I don't have to pay for makes the whole experience of getting raped at the pump almost tolerable. I can put $75 worth of gas into my tank but for some reason getting just a little free gas at the end takes the sting away.

In our relationships we have this ability. No, not give our friends more gas than what they are expecting. That's gross. What I'm talking about is giving just a little extra something in the relationship. A little extra care, a little note card in the mail, a short voicemail telling them that you've been thinking about them, a quick prayer for a friend, etc. The little extra effort that goes a long ways in making a good relationship - great.

Significance

What do you know about your great grandparents? I would think that if you asked 10 people this question, then 9 would say they don't know anything about their great grandparents. They wouldn't know what their great grandparents interests were. What their hopes and dreams were. Or anything about what really made them tick ... what made them unique.

I think it's natural for us to have a natural yearning to "leave our mark" on this planet. I believe that the best way we can do this is by influencing other people. More specifically, helping those around us to get the most out of life. If we are doing that then we in turn will be getting the most out of life.

Here's where it gets tricky for me. What type of imprint am I making on the planet that will be seen or felt by my great grandchildren. What will my daughters children's children know about me ... or will they know anything about me? If history is a good predictor of the future, then I already know the answer to my own question; they won't know much of anything.

I've been giving this question some thought the last couple weeks and here is my conclusion:

* I can instill values, integrity and the thirst for knowledge in my children which will pay dividends for generations to come. The bible says that the sins of the father get passed down for several generations I believe the reverse can be true as well. I am a benefit of the heritage my ancestors created for me, whether I recognize that or not.

* The effect I have on others can not only improve their lives now, but into eternity. I think we will all be surprised when we get to heaven and learn of the impact we all had on each other without even realizing it. That's motivation to make every day have purpose. You never know who's life you can positively effect each and every day.

Talking

Small people talk about people.

Medium people talk about things.

Big people talk about dreams.

***

What do you talk about most?

Correction

Here are seven steps to correcting ones behavior that I just read in the book, Maximum Achievement by Brian Tracy. These steps can be used with your children, friends, or people at work.

Step 1: Protect the individuals self-esteem at all costs. Treat it like a balloon with your words as potential needles.

Step 2: Focus on the future, not the past. Talk about "What do we do from here?"

Step 3: Focus on the behavior or the performance, not the person. Replace the word "you" with a description of the problem.

Step 4: Use "I" messages to retain ownership of your feelings.

Step 5: Get clear agreement on what is to change, and when and by how much. Be specific as well as future-oriented and solution-oriented.

Step 6: Offer to help. Ask them "What can I do to help you in this situation?".

Step 7: Assume that the other person wants to do a good job and that, if he or she has done a poor job or made a mistake, it was not deliberate.

Nature

I was talking with my mom the other day about some wood rot we had noticed on our house. If you live in Johnson County, you know that wood rot is about as common as breast implants and mini-vans. My mom made a statement that stuck with me. She said that nature is always trying to reclaim the land.

Just moving into a brand new house, with brand new grass, brand new windows and brand new bills . . . it is easy to fool myself into thinking that I don't have to do anything to keep everything looking nice and new. But nature is there, and slowly but surely picking away at my precious house and land. My house will need constant maintenance as long as I remain here. Some mowing, painting, cleaning, replacing, and protecting.

More important than houses, our minds need constant maintenance as well. Nature and those elements around us all want a piece of our minds. And if we trick ourselves into thinking that's not a big deal, then where will we be? Broke? Probably. Depressed? Maybe. Sorry? I believe so.

My challenge then is to stay sharp! Do the required maintenance! Read the book, see the movie, spend the time with family, give the hugs, tell someone how you feel, make time for friends, take the pictures, give to your church ... Do the things that are easy to put off. Do the maintenance necessary to ward off nature so that you can experience a fulfilled life.

Happiness

I just started to read the book Maximum Achievement by Brian Tracy and even though I am only 30 pages into it, there are some really good nuggets that I would like to pass along.

"First, I learned that if I didn't commit to achieving my own happiness, no one else would. If my aim in life was only to make others happy, I would always be at the mercy of the feelings of others, whoever they might be. And I found that trying to organize my life around making others happy was an unending exercise in frustration and disappointment, because it just wasn't possible.

Second, I discovered that I couldn't give away what I didn't have. I couldn't make someone else happy by being miserable myself. As Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't help the poor by becoming one of them." I found that I couldn't make others happy unless I could make myself happy first."

Actions

The other day I was on a plane and I saw a lady spill a drink all over the groin of another passenger. About 30 minutes after we reached our cruising altitude when the pilot told us we could tilt our seats back to enjoy the ride....and about 5 minutes after our complimentary beverages were served, I witnessed the lady quickly tilt her chair back. The man sitting behind her had his drink resting on the tray table. The sudden jerk of the lady's seat caused this guy's drink to spill all over his lap.

The man was irritated with what happened and quickly began scrounging for napkins to absorb the liquid. I handed him the napkins, because I'm a nice guy. I didn't help him clean up however, I'm not that nice of a guy.

What was interesting about this little incident is that the woman that caused the wet groin had no idea what she had done. She just rested her tired little head and tired little eyes and was able to nap the rest of the flight. She had no worries in the world. Totally unaware of they mayhem she had caused. In fact, she will go her whole life not knowing what happened on that plane ride.

This made me realize that our actions do have an affect to those around us. What we say, how we act, what we do . . . it all matters to those we come into contact with. It even matters to those we may never meet again. The challenge for me is to positively affect those around me. Make it such a part of my personality that I don't even have to think about it.

Feedback

Earlier this year I started working for a new company that has a totally different culture than what I was used to. It has been a fantastic change for me, but not without it's challenges. One such challenge has been to give and receive feedback freely. Not only with my subordinates, but giving feedback to my peers and my boss. I'm not sure which has been more of a challenge for me, giving the feedback or actually receiving the feedback.

Here's some tips to giving feedback:

1. First things first, you need to have credibility with the person you are speaking with.
2. Tell the individual you are going to give them some feedback.
3. Tell them the behavior they displayed and the impact that it had.
4. Offer a suggestion for doing things a different way.
5. Thank them for being open to your feedback.

Here's some tips on receiving feedback:

1. If someone asks you if they can give you some feedback, respond with an energetic, "Yes!".
2. While receiving the feedback raise your eyebrows and smile.
3. Ask any clarifying questions, then repeat what you have heard.
4. Thank them for helping you.
5. Take a day to reflect on the feedback and decide if you need to change. Bounce this feedback off of a trusted co-worker/friend to see if it has merit.
6. If change is needed, then change!

By no means am I able to do this stuff 100%, but I really see the benefit of improving those around you and being open to how I can improve.

Friendships

I just spent a few hours last night catching up with a very good friend of mine. We hung out at Dave and Busters and had an awesome time. It is so easy to get caught up with work, family, hobbies, and every other thing in our lives that takes our precious time. For me it takes a conscious effort to make time for friendships. It didn't used to be that way.

Just a few years ago friendships were my life. Pretty much everything that I did revolved around building or sustaining friendships. That was all pre-marriage, pre-career, and pre-kids. Man-o-man have things changed! The last couple years I have found myself dissolving old friendships that, to be honest, were too much work to keep going. The older I get, the more precious my time is. So I came to the hard realization that some relationships had to come to an end. I remember a Seinfeld episode where Jerry had to sit down a guy (in their standard cafe of course) and tell him that he just doesn't need any more friends. So it was a man to man break up of sorts.

A couple ways that I knew I had to end the friendships were:

1. I was putting more into it than what I was getting out of it. It's great to take an interest in what your friends are up to, what they get excited about, and what they need help with. If you are doing all those things and it isn't reciprocated it may be time to end it. Unless you have time, energy and motivation to either change them or be OK with that.

2. You turn in to who you spend the most time with. When I looked around at some friends and decided that I was different and wanted different things in life . . . I realized that it would be harder to get what I wanted if I kept those relationships.

Well, hanging out with an old friend that challenges me, is interested in me, and who is just plain fun reminded me that friendships are extremely important to have. And extremely rewarding when they are healthy ones.